Comfort Zone.

I enjoy being comfortable.  As my husband could tell you, when I am even a little uncomfortable, I complain.  I'm a bit of a baby, you could say.  I like rocking in a rocking chair all morning long and drinking coffee.  I love to sit in our screened in porch and read a magazine for much longer than I should.  I like to crank the air conditioning way up so I can bundle up in my faux fur blanket every night and sleep long into the morning (much to my hubby's chagrin).

Comfort.  I dig it.

But this week.....I decided to do something....well, uncomfortable.  I took a challenge.  Strangely enough, I'm all about risk taking.  I love taking risks that involve me having control, though.  So really.....that's probably not very risky.  Hmmm.....

This week I sent out my first art submission to a magazine I love called 'Somerset Studio'.  It's produced by a company called Stampington that also produces my all time favorite magazine in the whole wide world, 'Where Women Create'.  I secretly dream of being invited to be a part of that mag someday.  It's a lofty, crazy dream.....but a dream of mine, none the less.

The challenge of the Somerset Studio 2013 Winter issue is 'A Celebration of Winter'.  And I thought and thought and thought.  What do I love about Winter?  Um......not much.   It's cold and gray and all the leaves fall from the trees to make the world look cold and bare.  I hate being cold.  I can't ride my bike or go for a run.  Maybe someone more dedicated to health would tolerate it but, me?  Nope.  I snuggle up in sweats and blankets in front of the fire with cup after cup of hot coffee.  I'm a bit of a wuss.

But, of course, we've already established that.

So, as I thought of my wussiness and all the things I hate about winter, I began to think about 'The Chronicles of Narnia' by C.S. Lewis, one of my all time fave authors.  And in the lovely movie, 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe', I remember thinking how beautiful Narnia was in its glorious coating of glistening snow......but how much the animals of Narnia hated the long, cold, dreadful winter brought on by the scourge of all of Narnia, itself.

The White Witch.

And, just like that.....I had my Winter subject.  

The White Witch, self-proclaimed Queen of Narnia.

Oh, she was fun to make.  The best part of everything was her funky dreadlocks pulled back into a thick ponytail and tied loosely together by another dread.  The Queen relies on no one and nothing but herself!

I had the best time picking out embellishments for her royal attire.  I took my time, didn't even look at price tags and shopped to my hearts content.

When it came time to sculpt her, I didn't plan a thing.  I just went for it.  Going on intuition, I guess.....Oh, I had the best time.  She flowed and flowed.  From beginning to end......forming her from stone clay, styrofoam, wood dowels, polymer, metal rods and all.....to her blood red lips and fur embellished dress......it was such a wonderful experience.  I think I smiled the entire time.

And, when it came time to send her off.......to soften the wickedness and 'witchiness' of her.....I painted the outgoing box with one of my soft angels.  Honestly....I did it to try to garner a little attention at the magazine.  Let's face it.....there'll be a million submissions.  Mine being chosen is slim to none.  But, my 'box angel' also stood in stark contrast to what was looming, preciously wrapped, inside the box.  Painting the box angel was almost as fun as creating the White Witch.

So.....outside of my comfort zone.  I don't submit to magazines.   Heck.....when I'm ringing up one of my pieces of art at my gallery, Sanctuary of Davidson, I have a hard time telling the buyer that I'm the artist!!  I just can't.  Why?  I don't know.  I just don't know.

But, I'll keep you informed about my progress.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  And, really.....the joy, the progress, the victory has already been accomplished.  I'm outside of my comfort zone.

Way outside.

'Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks.  And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.'

Philippians 4:6-7

I'm a doubter.  And a worrier.  I've never been any different.  When I feel bad, I worry things will never get better.  When I'm happy,  I worry something awful will happen and take everything away.  Even when good things happen to me and life is at it's best, I'm secretly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It stinks to be that way.

This weekend, I worked hard at transforming my gallery, Sanctuary of Davidson, and making it more open and lovely.  For those who are not familiar with Sanctuary, it's a little gallery I started where I sell only handmade art, jewelry and gifts created by local artists.  I have a love/hate relationship with my sweet little gallery.  Mostly love......but occasional hate!

I'm not a natural business woman.  I'm just a self taught folk artist.  Running Sanctuary does not come easily to me as it would someone who knows business.  I'm pretty much running it on my wits and some street smarts......and mostly by just what 'feels right'.  I've made some very good choices and brought in some terrific artists.  I've also made some very bad choices that ended up costing me money, heartbreak and a lot of my trust in people.  I hate that.

Honestly, despite my occasional gripes......Sanctuary has been a beautiful experience for me.  And I've made invaluable relationships with artists and art instructors I wouldn't trade for anything.  I've learned to somewhat conquer my fear of failure by taking the plunge and teaching my modern folk art painting style to folks in a way that anyone can learn.  I've learned how to create something out of almost nothing.......and make it successful.  I've learned how to balance my personal, creative and business life (okay.....still working on this one!).

But.....I worry.  And this weekend, after rearranging the gallery to make it more beautiful and to hopefully help my artists sell more of their work......I found myself very depressed.

Will people appreciate my hard work?  Will the artists like what they see?  Will they be angry that I moved their work around, even if it is now more visible?   Will they really sell more?  Did I waste all day away from my family for nothing?  Does this gallery even matter to anyone???

Oh, boy.  Get a grip!

And then I open my little book of verses I carry around in my purse.

'Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks......'

And at that moment....I remember that I made a conscious decision a while back to trust again.  To trust that all gifts are good.  They may be seasonal.....but that's okay.  Sanctuary of Davidson is a good gift.  So much has come from it.  So many wonderful things.  And my hard work is a good thing.....even if the gallery were to close tomorrow.  Even when the gallery seems like it's killing me......Sanctuary was always meant to be a good thing.  And it is....always.  Even when I find myself up at night crying because I'm afraid I'm not giving all I've got to make it work.  And then I cry some more when I realize I have nothing left to give her......and she still needs help.

It's not easy running an art gallery in a recession.

But......God wouldn't give me a gift and then throw me to the wolves.  No  way.    Maybe I need those purging cries in the middle of the night.  Maybe I need to remember that it's not all up to me.  And that it's not always my fault when bad things happen at work......sometimes things just are what they are......and I have to keep breathing......keep eating......keep kissing my kids.......keep taking time to relax with a cup of coffee even when my brain says I should be working a little more....a little more....a little more.

So often, I forget there comes a time to just unclench my fists, open my hands, relax and know I've done my best....and trust God will step in however He decides to.

If I've learned anything from my business owner experience so far, it's that I can't do it alone.  And I know that God will provide me with the right words, the right people, the right answers......if I keep trusting and not give in to my constant worry.

'Do not worry about anything........'

Good Night

Freedom.

I love memorial day.  It's the fabulous memorial day weekend that we use to kick off our summer with the first beach trip of the year.  It's glorious.  We look forward to it for weeks.  Sun, naps, fresh seafood,  sleeping late, boutique shopping, barefeet.......I love it.

Molly asked me the other day what the next holiday coming up would be.  'Memorial Day', I happily shouted!

"What are the colors of Memorial Day?",  she asked.

"Well....red, white and blue, I guess.",  says I.  But when she asked, 'why?'.......I had to think.

"Because........well.......Memorial Day is the day we celebrate and remember the men and women who have died in battle to make sure we get to maintain our freedom.  We honor them by setting a day apart to remember them.  It's a big deal!"

Really?  Then I silently wondered to myself......when is the last time I even thought about the men and women who sacrificed and died for me to be able to stick my feet in the sand and sleep late and bathe in the sun for a lovely 3 day weekend?  I can tell you.  Um....never.

How embarrassing.

I'm so glad Molly asked me that question.  Because I want to remember why I'm free.  I want to remember what thousands of men and women have given to ensure I am free.  I want to support and honor and love them.   Because freedom is precious.  It's invaluable.  

And Molly's question also gave me a chance to share with both my girls what it means to be free and how so many other countries cannot celebrate the kind of liberty we have.  And how sad that is.  And how we should never take it for granted.......the way I obviously have for years.   

Thanks to sweet Molly for helping me to realize that.

This weekend, may we all remember.  And may we all enjoy  some lovely rest.  And may we appreciate the great country we call home.

RISE UP. A Poem.

Rise up, rise up.
Turn your face to the sky,
You are surrounded by angels.
Wipe the fear from your eyes.

Rise up, rise up.
The voice is calling your name.
Your soul longs to discover
He who offers sweet change.

Rise up, rise up.
You shall thirst no more.
Drink the water of freedom,
Knock and walk through the door.

Rise up, rise up.
Surrender your pain.
Watch your walls crash around you.
You will never be the same.

Rise up, rise up.
Release all that holds you down.
Rise from the darkness
Rise from the ground.

Rise up.

Weird.

The past couple of weeks have been great.  Really great.

It's my friends.  I forget how much I need them.  Desperately.

When I was a kid, I had no problem making friends.  Super easy.  Played with anyone.

But, as I aged, I began to feel super awkward.  Sometimes I just couldn't think of anything to say to add to the conversation.  And when I did think of something, it was usually weird or blunt or just plain, old inappropriate.  And then I felt stupid.  And small.  And weird.  I would talk, talk, talk.  The more uncomfortable I was, the more I talked.  About anything.  Menstrual periods, politics, baboons, smelly feet......anything to avoid silence.  It did not fair well for me.

So, I went through a phase where I didn't have any girlfriends.  I couldn't relate.  I hung out with mostly boys because if I said something stupid or inappropriate....well, they usually found it entertaining.

But, I was very lonely.  

After I agreed to marry my sweet hubby, Kevin, he made me promise to make some girlfriends.  No more hanging out with guys.   Eek!!!!   I panicked.  I said I would try but I really was afraid.  I certainly did not expect anyone to like me.  I'm just......weird.

So....I prayed.  I prayed for girlfriends.  I prayed a lot.  I prayed that I wouldn't be awkward or strange.  I prayed for courage.  I prayed for confidence.  And I prayed for girlfriends who would get me.  

12 years later.....I have great friends.  Better gal pals than I ever thought possible for someone as weird as me.  I guess God has a sense of humor.....making me weird and also providing me with friends who find it amusing!

Still.....I have to remind myself to meet with my gal pals.  To carve out that time and make it a priority.  About a month ago I felt like I was sinking into a bottomless pit.  Then.....a lightbulb went off.  How long has it been since I met with my gal pals?  I mean really made the time for it?  

So....I did.  I started meeting with 2 gals for coffee on Monday mornings.  I started working out with a gal once or twice a week.  I met with some gals I hadn't seen in forever for wine.  I met with another gal for more coffee.  And another for even MORE coffee (I love coffee).  And I was so overjoyed to get a text from another pal yesterday that said, 'I need to see my friend!'.  

Smile.

And, I feel good again.  I feel more grounded.  Less weird.

Although.....I'll always be weird.  I'm okay with that.  As long as I have friends who get me.  

And I do.

Just for fun.....I'm adding this little video I made of me creating the little painting pictured above.  Hope you enjoy!

Unexpected Gifts.

My sweet friend, Lori, gave me a wonderful and priceless gift on last Thursday night.  Kevin was out of town and our kids wanted a sleep over, so she volunteered her house.

Oh, Glory!!  A whole night to myself?  Alone?  I haven't had that my early 20's!!

At first I was going to say no, let's have it at my house.  But, my husband said I was being crazy and that I should take the gift.

I did.

Well, kind of.  I did stay at Lori's house sitting on her back porch drinking wine and lighting sparklers for our children.  And we talked and laughed and imbibed.  And her husband brought us the most luscious cheesecake I have ever tasted.  We ate it down to the aluminum pie tin!!!

And then.....I kissed my girls and drove home.  I got home at 11:00 and ran a bath.  At first I was afraid of all the silence.  And being alone.  But.....I grabbed my banjo (yes....I play the banjo) and practiced while the bath ran.  And then I gave myself a facial and soaked.  After the bath, I read a magazine and then slid into bed a little after midnight.

I slept in until 8:00.  Wow!!!!  It was so beautifully wonderful to sleep until I actually woke up.....not to an alarm or kids jumping on me or a cat pawing at my face to be fed.......I slept until I woke up.

I got up, made coffee, sat on the screened in porch and read my bible and my favorite magazine for an hour.  I think I closed my eyes for at least 15 minutes and just listened to the wind blow through the trees.  I was so relaxed.  Which was such a lovely, rare treat because there is very little about my life that is relaxing!  

I wandered around my yard and picked flowers that were blooming......I didn't even realized there WERE flowers blooming!!

Our little garden!

I guess I just didn't realize how fried I was.  Sometimes I feel like such a tightly wound up ball of dynamite getting ready to explode.  But on Friday morning......I was calm.  And ready to pick up the girls and let the chaos ensue!

So, thank you, Sweet Lori, for such a gift.  And to think I almost said no!

Never pass up a chance to give a gift.  You never know when it's needed more than you could imagine.  And never give up the chance to accept one.  Sometimes, you need it more than you think!